A Few Random Ramblings And Roethlisberger Sighting - By Neal Coolong
Steelers Fever Exclusive Editorial
|Nothing ever really happens in a football year until the beginning of training camp. We are stuck in the dullest portion of the season. Little attention is thrown the way of the NFL, outside of a glancing headline of a trainer being hired or someone beginning the annual discussion of Bill Parcells quitting. So basically, I'm bored. There's not really much to discuss.
Oh sure, you're gonna throw some "big" names getting released like Koren Robinson or Johnnie Morton. This is entertaining for a good 18 seconds, and it's usually for the reasons behind their release. In Robinson's situation it's due to a chemical dependency problem. For Morton, it's that he is about as effective a receiver as Keanu Reeves is an actor. Maybe Robinson fits both these molds, but that's beside the point.
Unless you're a huge Fantasy Football dork [AHEM-ME] this time of year doesn't possess much conversation fodder (and SteelersFever.com doesn't want me to write a column on how, in my FF keeper league, I'm about to have Julius Jones AND Willis Magahee on the 2005 version of Cowher-Power).
The only real entertainment after the draft (which is a fairly overrated event in its own right, but that's another argument for another day) really is finding about all the criminal allegations The NFL's Finest seem to earn right before training camps starts.
Washington safety Sean Taylor adds assault charges to a DUI arrest. Minnesota running back Onterrio Smith gets caught lugging a prosthetic penis used to beat drug tests through an airport. Cleveland PFC Kellen Winslow Jr. ("I'm a f***ing soldier!") crashes his motorcyle, putting himself out for another year.
(That last one isn't criminal but any chance I have to use that quote I'm going to take). Nothing is funnier right now than looking at Kellen Winslow Sr.'s eyes when he has to report what his idiot son did this time).
Even good ol' Plaxico Burress finds himself with deliquent taxes. His problem isn't laziness or a lack of respect for The Man. It's his accountant. Apparently, Plex wasn't advised just to write off payments he made to Ben Roethlisberger to change plays in the huddle. That way, Plex could get an organization known for its intelligent free agent signings like the Giants to overpay him for the next six years AND not pay taxes.
But, according to court records listed in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Coraopolis District Judge Mary Murray ordered her staff to cancel the warrant Friday after Burress' tax attorney provided information about his earnings to Keystone Municipal Collections.
Yet, I digress.
The Legend of The Man With Knuckles Dragging on the Ground still lives, even if he took his inflated contract and ran his 4.7 40-yard-dash time out of town.
My cousin (we'll call him "Brian," largely in part because that's his name) was out in Pittsburgh around St. Patrick's Day. He happened to notice Roethlisberger walk out of a local drinking establishment. "Brian" had apparently been to a few himself before this encounter. Brian became excited in seeing The Future of Pittsburgh, and blurted out "WHAT'S UP, PLEX?!"
He didn't give an explaination of how you could possibly mistake the two, but my guess is too much Harp in celebrating our family's heritage. (By the way, SteelersBro wishes to inform the reading audience that he drinks Guinness, not Harp).
Much to Future's chagrin, he looked at him like he was an idiot and he and his posse walked out.
It's in this spirit of rambling Steelers thoughts that I propose a contest in honor of my cousin "Brian." Here's five funnier things "Brian" could have said to Roethlisberger after he mistakenly called him Plex. Please come up with your own, or comment on mine.
We need something to entertain ourselves through the doldrums of the pre-pre-PRE-season.
5. Sorry, Ben, I didn't recognize you with that motorcycle helmet on. Oh wait...
4. Well, you walk about as fast as Plex runs, I thought he was being chased!
3. All posses look alike.
2. Have you eaten one of those damn sandwiches yet? I'm tired of my friends wondering that.
1. Hey, at least I didn't call you Bubby Brister.